Having mastered the visual arts since his retirement in 2008, presidential man-child George W. Bush has gone on to further hone his literary skills with a biography of his father, George H.W. (Poppy) Bush. Crown Publishers releases the still untitled work on November 11. A media release reveals that “the book shines new light on both the accomplished leader and the warm, decent man known best by his family.”

In the same statement, Crown Publishing Group president Maya Mavjee discloses that the project was delayed for several months when brother Jeb refused to let George use his crayon. This was resolved when Bush matriarch Barbara burst into their bedroom (they share), angrily waving a wooden-handled nine iron at the squabbling brothers and “filling the entire room within seconds with her hot, pungent breath.”

“Geez,” quipped W, “what did you eat for breakfast, mom—Jeb’s socks?”

In an adjoining bedroom, continues Mavjee, the ailing Bush Sr. raised a crooked finger to signal his amusement and was reported to have mumbled something about secret weapons testing in Panama and how much fun he had running those death squads in Nicaragua.

Bush family friend John Hinckley Jr. was not available for comment.

Georgia Straight, July 2014