The largest ever study into after death and out-of-body experiences strongly suggests that we don’t know dick about shit, man. As reported in the U.K.’s Telegraph, scientists at the University of Southampton led the four year study which investigated 2000 victims of cardiac arrest at 15 hospitals in the U.K., U.S., and Austria.

Forty percent of those interviewed reported “some kind of ‘awareness’” during the period of clinical death, in some cases describing in accurate detail the efforts of doctors to save them. Nothing we haven’t heard before, of course, except that now a bunch of experts have written it up in a fancy report. Other common experiences included an overwhelming feeling of peacefulness, seeing a bright light (classic!), and—more chillingly—the terrifying sense of being slowly drowned. (Shitfuck!)

Team leader Dr. Sam Parnia speculated that drugs used in the resuscitation process might explain the absence of these memories for some patients, kind of like how I can't remember my dreams because I go to bed blitzed every night.

“Estimates have suggested that millions of people have had vivid experiences in relation to death but the scientific evidence has been ambiguous at best. Many people have assumed that these were hallucinations or illusions but they do seem to corresponded to actual events," said Dr. Parnia. "These experiences warrant further investigation.”

Dr. Ian Stevenson went further than anybody with his investigation, documenting over 3,000 cases worldwide of children whose past-life memories—including vivid descriptions of locations, people, and events—were frequently verified by research. Stevenson also found that birthmarks and irrational phobias often corresponded with a traumatic or violent death in the child’s previous life.

Professional non-scientist James “The Amazing” Randi was not available for comment.

Georgia Straight, October 2014